Have you ever thought of how negative our world is? Discouraging words are spoken so often that we are not even conscience of it. We don’t need to turn on the local news, or listen to a radio. Our co-workers, random people that cross our path or even our family may deposit negative words into our subconscious each day. Let's be honest even our 'self-talk' can be negative.
And do you know what is sad for me? We are okay with it. We ourselves may even deposit negative words into others. We think; ‘It is just the world we live in.’
Some people may find it peculiar when a person has a positive outlook on life. Or when a person has a friendly smile, just wanting to spread a little sunshine on another person’s day. Well, call me peculiar. I want to be that person that after meeting me you say; "That girl has something that I want." What do I have you ask? A true relationship with my heavenly father.
My desire is to deposit encouragement into your day. Positive things that Our Lord God says about you, instead of listening to the many lies that the enemy tells us each day through the deposits of other people. Like the apostle Paul, I want you to grab hold of the Truth of Salvation that it only comes through the Son Jesus Christ. To take your hand and help you up when you fall in discouragement, to walk with you as you realize your God created purposes in life. Showing you that God will lift you up, each day, if we just focus on Him. He truly wants to have a relationship with you, and be a part of your daily life.
Hebrews 3:13 (NIV) But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today...
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My testimony; short version
Hello, my name is Georgia and I thought I would share a little bit of my story. I am what you call a deep thinker, and I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Even at a young age I question my existence; I actually thought I was a cartoon charter. One summer I would constantly look up in the sky to see if a large pencil with an eraser was there waiting to erase me from life. Once I was convinced that I was not an animated drawing, I thought I was a battery operated toy. I know it sounds absurd, and I am sure I annoyed my family when I asked them where my batteries were stored. This all seems innocent, child like thinking, right? But it was a heavy question that I had on my mind, even at this young age. That question was; Am I important enough to have value?
Time had passed with years of bad programming; some intentional, some were just wrong beliefs that I had formed from my environment, but I began resent being 'female'. I was told by my parents that I was named after my uncle 'George', so I actually thought that being born as a girl was a mistake. With these wrong belief I began to think that being 'me' meant that I didn't matter. That being a ‘female’ meant that I was disposable and I was placed on this earth to 'serve'. Over time I had become sad deep inside, however I would pretend all was good.
At the age of fifteen I couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore and all my sadness hit me at once. Sobbing outside in a corner of a high school parking lot, I was approached by someone who I thought really cared about my feelings. He was several years older than me but he was someone that I sort of knew. I had a brief introduction to him when I was invited to youth group a few months back. With him being a person that went to church, I thought that he really care about why I was crying.
God blesses us, it is as if He is handing us diamonds from heaven.
Look for the diamonds in your day.
But, I found out his true intentions as he led me away from the lights of the parking lot. The emotions that I had allowed myself to have earlier were then turned off. I had to numb myself and pretend that what was happening to me, wasn’t. Though, somewhere in my soul, I believed what had happened to me was a not surprise. I mean, I was female and that made me disposable, right?
I did not tell anyone about what had happened that night, though over time I had to say something. Again I found myself pretending, pretending that the changes my body was going through wasn’t really happening to me. It crazy to think but I had actually convinced myself that I was in a dream, a bad dream that I would end up running from for years.
Not wanting my daughter to grow up in the environment that I lived in, I had placed her in adoption, which went against what my dad wanted. After I returned to school all my peers looked at me with discuss and told me that I was the worse mother that I didn’t deserve to be a parent. Those things they said seemed true to me, that I was horrible person and I didn't deserve to be happy. Even when I went to talk with my high school adviser about college he told me; "Girls like you don't go to college. You will be just lucky to graduate."
So by the time I was out of high school, I hated everything about myself. I pretty much lived for the weekends. Hanging out at the bars with my friends is the only time I felt good about myself. Drinking and dancing would numb out my feelings of being broken. Believing that my life had no value, I allowed myself to be disposable.
Years later, I found that I could not pretend my happiness anymore. I was profoundly sad, even though I was married and had two beautiful children. I had been a ‘Christian’ for several years by that time and I even went to church each week. Yet, it was getting harder and harder for me to pretend to have ‘the joy of the Lord.’
Not wanting to 'pretend' anymore I broke down and allowed myself to crying again. I allowed myself to feel all those disappointments,regret and even grief . Sitting on a cement step in our garage, smoking my cigarette, I told God I didn’t want to do life anymore. That If he was for real then he would have to come down and help me. That night was the beginning of my journey with him.
Since that night It is an amazing expedition to freedom that I have been on with him by my side. God showed me that I do have value, and he has been restoring me to his true design. Each lie that I believed he has shattered with his truth. The layers of denial that I had used to cover the chunk missing from my heart He gently removed. Then seven years ago there I was looking at the hole that I have been telling myself wasn’t there. As scary as it was for me, we (God and I) worked through it. That is when he miraculously introduced me to the person I believed I never had a connection with, my daughter Lisa. I didn’t realize that just because I didn’t consciously think about her growing inside me, we were still joined together. It is truly an amazing story of restoration.
You see, I believed that God wanted me to cut out my past once I became a Christian, but He didn’t. He wanted to heal my past, so that I could walk in completeness. All those years I was afraid of something: I didn’t know what I was running from. But now I know…I was running from myself.
Yes we are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) but that doesn’t mean that God wants us to cut out our old selves. We can’t! Because that is a part of our testimony of restoration and it brings glory to HIM.
As you've been reading a small part of my testimony is there something in your past that you might be afraid to look at? Maybe you are like I was, running from yourself. As frightening as it may seem, would you trust God to lead you through your past? If so He will heal you, bless you, and finally free you to be as he has designed.
If you would like me to talk with you, or, if you’re interested in hearing my full testimony, you can email me your information at: email@example.com and I will be in contact you.
Until then, may the Lord bless you and keep you in His will.