Have you ever gone to pull what looked like a simple little weed, only to struggle with it because the roots go much deeper than you originally perceived? Well that is what I experienced this past week.
For two or three week leading up to last Saturday I have been feeling somewhat melancholy. I am not sure if it is because that I am moving yet again, or feeling somewhat unaccomplished with endeavors that I have been pursuing the past 12 months. Either way I have been working on keeping my eyes on things above and not focusing on my roller coaster emotions.
I suppose I am good at denying that things that happen, or don’t happen, affect me. I just keep telling myself that God is a good God and I shouldn’t feel disappointed, that good things are ahead for us. Then I got some news that shook my world. I seriously, felt that my feet where kicked out from under me. Though the news I received was exciting for the individual that shared it, I couldn’t process it that way.
As I was trying to process, remembering the words shared, I tried hard to see the positive. But all I could see (feel) was I had to “let go” to allow them to follow their dreams. Seriously I couldn’t find my feet back on solid ground for several days. One moment I am going through the cabinets packing for the move, and the next I was sobbing from some place deep within. I really couldn’t put my finger on it but something was different about this. I have experienced many disappointments in my life and have been able to work through them rather quickly. But not this time. I was crushed.
Our God is so good!
SIDE NOTE: The Bible study that I just worked through by Bill Johnson is called; God is Good. But I was not able to go to last Tuesday session titled; God’s goodness is an anchor in mystery, tragedy and disappointment on April 4th. And as much as I searched on YouTube for the video of the last session I could not find it. Making one last attempt to search for the session, easily pulled up in the search. I was listening to it (hitting pause and rewinding to write down these simple -yet profound points) I felt comfort and encouraged in the things being taught. I was not able to finish the session before having to leave the house to fulfill a prior commitment I had made, but left everything at my desk to get back to it. Upon returning I reviewed the notes that I had taken. That is when the phone call came in. All I can say is that I am so thankful that the lesson was in the forefront of my thoughts as the words filter through. God is so good, HE knew that I needed to have this lesson fresh in my mind when this call came in.
Even though I was really trying to apply the principals of what I had learned (grieving is okay as long as it leads you to peace that comes from the Lord) I wasn’t finding HIS peace. Then all the sudden I sensed God say to me: “Georgia this I not the same…, it isn’t as before.”
I then realized that my self-talk was the same talk I had back in 1981. It didn’t dawn on me that my emotions (extreme sadness) was rooted in the past and not in the present. The lies that I was believing had stolen my joy and security in this situation. It was easy to believe that the ‘lie’ was true because it was rooted in my past experience.
I hope this makes sense to you.
How many times do we react to a situation (or person) not even realizing that it is our past circumstances that we are responding to? I found myself not being able to handle a situation that most people would find it to be ‘no big deal’. And I knew that I wasn’t handling the ‘news’ in a proper way, or the way I would normally. Something was different, and I was being swallowed up with grief. I needed the Lords perspective. Once He showed me the truth of what is ‘now’ I was then able to see the lie and then I could break the agreement I had with the lie. It totally change my mindset. And there it was! GOD’S PEACE!!
So, how can you glean from my experience?
I would like to suggest that if you find yourself experiencing emotions that does not come from the Spirit: LOVE, JOY, PEACE, etc. (Galatians 5:22) stop and ask Papa God where it is coming from. More than likely it is coming from a hurtful place of your past. GOD will reveal ‘weed’ (He is good that way) so that you can pull it out. And don’t be surprised if that ‘little weed’ has long roots.
Love and Hugs gg~