Confidence or Pride

Sometimes being confidence can easily turn into being prideful. I know, because I have crossed that line more than once and it is embarrassing to say that. I didn’t even know that I stepped into that ‘no-no’ area this last time. It wasn’t until I stopped and asked God about a situation, and what God showed me somewhat hurt the flesh (my pride) a little (well, honestly, it was more than a little). But it was what I needed to line up under him so I can be the person he has called me to be.

You may be asking yourself; what did God show me? Well, let me illustrate it this way.

There is this woman, we will call her Bridget, that is really good at playing basketball, she has quick reflexes, and does well with the fast pace of the game. She is a quick thinker and is constantly looking at all angles of which the ball can be played. Bridget knows the rules of basketball and knows the plays which her coach would want her to perform before anything is said. She is excellent at what she does. However Bridget decides she wants to play baseball. It is a totally different game with an entirely different rule book. Her new coach does not know her that well but is willing to give her a try, but things are not working out. The coach doesn’t know the character of this new player, or her willingness to be the best for this team. Coach only just sees Bridget as being too self- efficient, assuming things that may not necessarily be wrong, but not how it’s done.  Bridget is able to play baseball  but she goes about it in a nontraditional way, it’s not done in the matter it should have been done. As much as this new player is trying to please her coach, she is following the wrong play book. She is applying everything she had learned in playing basketball to the new game baseball. That doesn’t work!

If you haven’t guessed Bridget is me, and the coach is my boss. I have been trying so hard to do my new job, I was applying what I had learned in my old job to the new one. At my previously job it was a fast pace and I had to problem solve quickly. I had the pleasure of assisting many people (face to face) throughout my day. My prior boss expected me to problem solve without consulting her. I would only ask questions on how to handle things if I was not 100% sure how to. This new job is much slower pace, and I don’t get to serve as many people as I did before. Things that I would ‘assume’ to know how to handle isn’t exactly how it should be done. With me being little more independent than my boss would like, I was coming off as arrogant and maybe even prideful. Now she didn’t say that to me, she just said; this isn’t working, we need to figure this out. I was crushed! I have been trying to be someone she could depend on; however she said that she didn’t have that kind of confidence in me. Wow! That hurt, because I was trying to be all that she wanted me to be.

That is when I went to God and asked; what is wrong here? What am I doing wrong? He answered my question with a question; how can you be all that your boss wants you to be if you’re not asking her what she wants from you.

You see I was trying to play basketball in a baseball game. Once returning back to work after God revealing this to me I control myself not to think so much on my own, yielding to my impulse to figure things out on my own. With me ‘asking’ my boss how she wants me to do things I hope to build her confidence in me. I need to be more humble (modest and unassuming in attitude and behavior) and show her respect.

Yes we need to be confident people in Christ, knowing who we are in Him. However we are to be humble as well. To be honest this is hard for me to find that line, if you knew me years ago, I didn’t have an ounce of confidence. It is hard to find that balance but with God’s help I know I will find it.

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