Giving myself permission

What is that sound? I thought to myself as I tried to figure out where the head of my bed is. Somehow the position of my body was farther down the mattress than normal. Once I figured out where I had to reach, I grabbed at the floor to find my phone to turn off the alarm clock.

Right away, I start with my morning routine. Let the dogs out, get a glass of water and take my vitamins, start the coffee, and then turn the hall light on so not to shock my husband Bob awake [sometimes he turns the hall light on so I can get a few minutes longer in bed].

Getting lost in my thoughts; I think about the discussions at BSSM class the night before. Wanting to finish my reading assignment, that should have been done, I pick up my book to read a few lines before carrying on with my morning list of things. But I then figured I should get Bob’s lunch I place the book down on the countertop and proceed to get his food around.

Taking my bookbag back to my office, I tell myself ‘I really need to get that office in order.’ Walking out of the office, I glance back through the bedroom door and see the messy bed, so I figure I might as well make the bed [making my bed makes me feel good].  Going back into the kitchen I pick up my book laying on the countertop and read a paragraph. Looking out the deck door I think to myself; its pretty cold out so I should start the truck to warm it up. Walking back into the house I look at the clock and notice it’s about time to leave so that hubby can get to work on time I herd up the dogs and we all head out the door.

Watching the clock on the dash as we make our way down the road, I try to calculate how much time I will have once getting back home; wondering what I could get accomplished. Arriving at our destination I get out of the passenger side of the truck, get a kiss from Bob, and jump in the diver seat. Before putting the truck in reverse I turn on a podcast to listen to as I drive back home.

The words spoken are thought-provoking and in no time I am pulling back in my driveway. Normally I turn off the podcast as I make my way back into the house and decided what do I want to do for the next 25-30 minutes before getting around for work myself. But not today. I sat at the table and listened to the full podcast. Normally it would take me a week to listen to one podcast trying to start up where I had left off the day before.

Do ever feel as if you are missing out if you don’t do something. I feel this way unless I consciously tell myself ‘it is okay that I am choosing [—-] to do.’ Whether it is reading scripture to understand, spend more time in prayer, or simply soaking for 10-15 mins and journaling. If I don’t tell myself it is okay – I tend to get anxious that I am not doing the other.

Does that even make sense to you? I hope so.

There have been days that I try to do it all. The YouTube teaching someone suggested or the Facebook live that I missed the week before, take notes from a CD teaching I got from a friend or the flash drive I got mailed to me. When I try to do it all I am only ‘dusting’ the surface of each and really what am I gleaning from doing that? Not as much if I would just focus on one thing at a time.

Well, like I said I chose to listen to the full podcast and once it was completed I felt almost like a sense of anxiety fall off of me. I finished it, I gave my full attention to this one teaching. I let out a long breath of satisfaction and a thought was dropped in my heart: ‘When you finish what you start there is a sense of accomplishment – build from this moment today  [remember this feeling] stay focused.’

So I finish this post by saying; give yourself permission to dedicate yourself to ONE task at a time. In the end, you will feel more accomplished completing one task than starting several but not finishing.

Ecclesiastes 7:8 CEV Something completed is better than something begun; patience is better than too much pride.

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