I sit here on a Saturday staring at my computer. I have so much on my heart to share, but I don’t know where to start. Afraid that what I would write, may not be encouraging to you, I do nothing.
Why? I ask myself. Why do I do this?!
Monday – Friday; after taking my husband to work I spend 30 glorious minutes declaring and praying God’s truth over my life, family, and community. And/or read scripture out loud as I walk around in my house.
Beginning my day this way I have a sense of joy. And I am empowered to be a true world changer! Often driving to work, I tell Jesus that I would love to sit all day and unwrap the gift of more understanding of who He is, and who I am created to be. And to share this gift with everyone I meet.
Yet today, with nowhere to be, I sit here stuck! I open my bible briefly but see that the carpet needs vacuumed, and proceed to do so. I then tell myself that the laundry doesn’t wash it self and systematically take the bedding off our mattress and gather up the towels from the two bathrooms.
I am Busying myself again! I do this all the time!! I finally stopped and asked Father God:
“WHY do I do this?”
And as HE often does, He answered my question with a question:
“I don’t know Georgia, why do you do this?”
I know that Father God knows my heart better than I do, and He knows why I do what I do.
I guess the real question is; Can I be honest with myself? I quickly jotted down my response. Reading back what I wrote in my journal, I found my answer.
Fear – Belief it is a waste of time – It takes me too long to prefect what I type/write, and no one really reads what I share.
Walking away from my pen and paper I begin talk out loud to the dogs as they sit on the couch watching me march around with determination.
“I am so tired of being this way. I need to just move! If I truly believe what I believe, then it shouldn’t matter if others accept and/or understand me. When has ever been about what the world sees in me? It is what you see in me Lord. The call on my life is irrevocable!”
To be honest with you, I am disappointed in myself. God has given my strategies on how to begin to walk out this burning in my heart. But I spend too much time evaluating if it is truly heaven instruction or just my wild imagination.
Often, I find myself walking around the ‘key’ that would unlock my purpose. I look at it. I admire it. I might even pick it up only to quickly drop it in fear that the key isn’t truly mine.
Then something dawned on me in that moment. I saw (in my mind’s eye) the key laying in the sand, and realized that key is forever, it is never gone. The wind might blow and cover it with sand – but it is still there. It doesn’t matter how many times I walk around it, walk away from it, or pick it up and drop it. It’s power to unlock my purpose is forever! There isn’t an expiration date. It is permanent!
So, here I am December 30, 2017, evaluating the past year. I read a few pages from my journal and I see the same pattern I have seen and read in the previous years. To put it simple; I give up every time I get close.
I have huge dreams, but I am only 75% certain I can walk them out. I see myself dipping my big toe in the lake of possibilities (so to speak) but quickly tell myself I am not ready yet to go swimming. I then put my socks and shoes back on as I consider my approach of how I would jump in.
I need to stop doing this and just jump!
Yes, yes…I know it isn’t in my own power, but in the power of Jesus Christ, that I am able to accomplish all things. And in most situations, I have that child like faith. However, what often stops me, and maybe many of you, is that I study my ‘game plan’ to long. Analyzing it to the point my enthusiasm and passion diminishes. I then hide my back into my little shell and tell myself that I might be dreaming too big.
That is a lie!
Ephesians 3:20 tells me that God is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine. SO WHY NOT IMAGE BIG?
I ask God to direct my steps and words every day. But when he drops something in my heart, I caulk it up to be my own silly notions. If I want to walk my life with HIS purpose, then I need to trust HIM and act on what HE is instructing me to do. I once heard someone say; we put too much faith in our own ability to follow Father God and not enough faith that God knows how to lead us.
HE knows me! HE knows you! And HE knows how to lead us.
With all that said; I want to activate my divine purpose.
I am picking up the key, before the year’s end. I am going to unlock and open the door of opportunity.
And with resolve I am going to jump into year 2018! I may not know how to swim gracefully, but I want to learn. And I am trusting Father God will teach me how.
Lake of possibilities here I come.
As I finish to post this entry, this was dropped in my heart and I think it is for everyone who find something resonate inside their spirits as they have read this entry.
Lake of possibilities? It’s more like oceans, get ready!