Even before moving back here to Michigan I have been asking the Lord for more laughter in my life. I am not saying that I am a sad person. I just sometimes lose the ability to enjoy life: more focused on doing than being. Does that make sense?
I’ve gotten several words that ‘adventures, laughter, and joy’ are ahead for me. I have no doubt that God will bring these things into my life; however this past week I realized how the thief has stolen my laughter in the past, among other things. (John 10:10)
Recently my youngest child had gotten married, and my husband and I have been pray circling around the weekend for months. We prayed that heaven would come down and invade earth, for God to be a part of this union of love and that it would be a joyful celebration. I believe our prayers were answered, the weather was beautiful, family members put their differences aside (for the most part) and I felt the presence of heaven all around.
Even though I experienced many emotions over that 48 hour period, I think it was the first time in a long time I felt comfortable being ‘me’. I wasn’t thinking about what other people thought of me like I’ve done in the past. Not worrying about silly things (what might my face look like when I cry- my crooked smile etc.) I able allowed myself to be a little goofy. Yes, I even got on the dance floor with my children and laughed at myself.
It was all beautiful; I so enjoyed my family and friends. Yet, when the pictures / videos started to post on facebook, and instagram I started to think; ‘oh my goodness, I look like that?! What was I thinking?! What did the guest think?!’ Or worse: ‘what did my daughter – in – law’s family think?!’ As these questions started to roll into my thoughts I could feel myself start to feel inferior, ugly, and even foolish. I even started to feel shame that I wasn’t being very ‘godly’.
After I stopped allowing these thoughts (negative self-talk) to take over in my mind, I realized where this was all coming from- it was coming from the enemy of my soul. This is how he has stolen my joy and laughter in the past, however NOT THIS TIME! I refuse to allow the enemy to engrave this ugly picture in my memory of that weekend. NOPE! It is, and always will be, a beautiful, laughter filled memory in my heart for all eternity.
Now wise to his schemes I only have a great anticipation for more laughter filled days head.