I have been unemployed for a little over 5 weeks now. As I have mentioned before it is a struggle for me to just rest, to be still. Not to have a ‘check list’ is difficult for me, I even feel spastic at times. I have always thought that I am a secure woman of God and that I do not need a ‘title’ to have value. But let me honest here; it certainly helps to say ‘I work at such and such place’ to feel accepted in the world in which we live.
Even people that I know that go to church look at me as if I am a little nutty when I say; “No, I don’t work outside of the home. I am pursuing the ministry that God has for me.” It would help if I could say I minister to women who have had to give up a child, or women at a shelter, or even women that are incarcerated (physically and spiritually), but I have not made those connections ‘yet’.
One time, as I was praying to God, I asked Him; “What do you want to be for me Lord that you couldn’t before?” I had listened to Graham Cooke online and this is what he suggested to do. The only word that I got was; “ENOUGH.”
As I pondered this I realized something about myself. I have been saying for months, maybe even years, that if I could just stay home and not go to work, I would be content. Yet, now that I am able to do what I said I wanted to do; study God’s word, write, and encourage others, I seem discontented.
I didn’t even realize I had a disgruntle attitude about my life. It is like when you are hungry for something and can’t figure out what, you end up eating everything in the refrigerator and still not satisfied. That was me; I have been listening to sermons online, reading my scriptures, and even praying. I have been eating everything in the fridge- yet still feeling dissatisfied.
I asked God what He meant about ‘Enough’. “It is simple Georgia, I want to be enough for you” He responded.
Simple yes, but think about it. How often do we fill our time with just ‘stuff’? It isn’t bad stuff, but it is busy stuff.
I have been busy trying to be busy- you know we all do it. At every job that I had there were times that I didn’t really have a project to do, so I was busy trying to find something to do, to fill my time.
Busy, being busy.
I have been busy reading scripture and pushing to get more understanding; thinking this would satisfy my desires. Don’t misunderstand me, these are all good things, but there is something very gratifying, an indescribable contentment, just spending time with God.
As I let go of the mindset of being busy, I am really starting to really enjoy this journey of mine. Allowing God to be ‘enough’ for me.