Following my Goose

It was 2010 when the eyes of my imagination began to open. I had just finished another one of Mark Batterson’s books; ‘Wild Goose Chase’ when I felt that God was calling me to share my testimony of His goodness. And even though I didn’t know what that looked like, I have been trying to be faithful in doing that one thing – share my testimonies. In Batterson’s book it talks about how following after God is not boring, it isn’t about sitting in church on Sunday morning. It is about following ‘his’ lead in our lives. Since then I have asked God to ‘lead’ me by showing me a goose.

This is what I would often pray on my lunch hour when I went to walk. As silly as this sounds I often notice flocks of geese fly across the horizon and secretly ask; Lord are your wanting me to follow? Or hear a goose ‘honking’ in the far off distance and ask; are you calling me Lord? Over time the hunt for my ‘goose’ had been forgotten, occasionally I would ask God for a goose but it wasn’t my daily prayer. My prayer walk over lunch became a time to intercede for others in my life, or simply reflect on the struggles that I was experiencing to see what I was to learn from them.

I was standing faithful to the verse that was given to me in 2004 Psalms 37:4 -delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. I trusted God that He had not forgotten about my dreams. I tried to stay disciplined in my devotional time each morning and when I felt discouragement I reminded myself of Ephesians 2:10 – For we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he has prepared in advance for us to do. My heart is to minister and encourage others, showing people the hope we have in God. I try walking that out in my life daily, I might not be on a pulpit preaching and teaching but I want to show people around me love and compassion just as Christ did. I sometimes fall short of achieving this however I am so thankful for God’s mercy.

Each time I started to jump into another position or leave my job all together I would sense that was God saying ‘not yet’. I didn’t even know what I was to look for in a job. I just knew that I wanted to continue to write, encourage people, and share my testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness to me and my family. Really, what kind of job is that? As I found out writing and publishing a book is hard and costly, especially when you are doing it by yourself. Then to promote the book, how does one do that? My thoughts would often have me running and hiding back in my little corner –just being the front desk girl. But deep down inside I felt I was letting God down. How can He get the glory in my life if I am not willing to step out of the ‘boat’?

As another birthday was quickly approaching I became a bit frustrated. It didn’t help that I experienced the most stressful day at work; actually it was pretty hectic all that week. I was exhausted mentally and emotionally and I shared my frustrations with my husband on the phone on evening driving home from work. I was angry and discouraged all at once. I felt that I need to move- but move where? Maybe I was to just quit my job all together. I didn’t know what to do.

The next day at lunch before I got out of my car to walk I prayed in desperation asking God for a sign. I got real specific just like Gideon did when he asked God for a sign (Judges 6:36-40). ‘GOD if you want me to move- please put a goose in my path today. I was trying hard to focus ahead on my path. I didn’t want to search high in the sky or out in the field somewhere for my goose. I prayed specifically for a goose to be on my route that I walk everyday. Well God answered my prayer; there he was, my goose, sitting there on my path with a dead dandelion weed in his mouth. He was so close to me it startled me. Then I thought well he is kind of goofy looking with a weed in his mouth. Is this really my sign? I started to blow it off as just a coincidence – however remembering how God got me to open the adoption files 5 days before Lisa, my daughter, wrote the courts to get information on me I started to think…
Well maybe this is God’s sign, it is a goose, and I did ask for a goose.

Still not totally convinced I walked back. Once I got into my car I decided to put in my CD of prayers that were prayed over me. I wanted to listen closely to it to see if I could get some clue of what I was to do. However when I put the CD in all I could hear was this noise from outside my car. I rolled down my window and stuck my head out only to find…TWO GEESE HOKING AT ME! They were walking up from behind the driver side of my car. Then they stopped and the one goose motioned his head as if to tell me to follow them. Then they ‘honked’ walking even closer to me, again the one goose motioned with his head and then they both flew off. I AM SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK!! THIS REALLY HAPPENED! I just started to bawl, I couldn’t believe it- I have been looking for a goose for two years! And here at my desperate hour of needing some sort of direction I get not just one goose but 3 geese!

In my heart I just knew that GOD wanted me to move- resign from my job- move on to the next chapter in my life. I was so excited I could have burst. I called Bob and told him what had happened however he sound as excited as me. Actually he didn’t say much of anything, I think he was letting everything I said sink in. I wanted to talk about it more once I got home, but after detecting Bob’s anxiety I decided against it. We both had a long week and thought it would be a good idea to wait until the next morning to talk about me leaving my job.

I got up early Saturday morning and had my devotions and pray time. I wanted to be obedient to God however I didn’t want to stress my husband out by quitting. I know God has a plan for both of us. Not wanting to make things harder on Bob by making him provide financially for us, I was broken and torn. I wanted to be obedient, yet I wanted to keep harmony in the household.

It was a few hours later when Bob got up and by his body language I could tell he was totally stressed. I assured him not to worry that I wasn’t going quit my job. He could hear my disappointed in my voice and it just tore him up. He hated telling me that financially we could not afford me to quit my job. It took us about 4 hours to work through our emotions where we were good again. I was still bit discouraged because I want to ‘chase my goose’ but went about my day as any other Saturday.

Sunday morning I got up early again to have my devotions and prayer time. I asked God to forgive me for my attitude and that I knew He has my destiny in His hands and that I will continue to praise Him for He is a good God. I basically gave myself an attitude adjustment. Remembering all the things that HE has done in the past for me and that He has it under control, I stopped worrying about it.

We had planned on going to the farm in Michigan to see Bob’s dad to surprise him. We felt it was a good time to do it because Bob didn’t have to play on the worship team. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and glad we decided to take the road trip. I asked Bob if he would buy a paper so that I could maybe look at the classified ads – I really didn’t know ‘what’ I was looking for but thought it sounded like a good idea.

Really now, how does one look for a job in ministry? Other than working at the church I go to, I just didn’t know what I was going to look for. I didn’t want to move into just any job, I wanted to position myself in a way that God could continue to stretch me and grow me into the person he has created me to be. I didn’t even know where to begin. I didn’t want the medical field anymore, or food service, and factory work is out. Don’t get me wrong I have worked in all these areas before and I am not above it; I just know that isn’t where God wanted to place me.

So I ask again, how does one look for a job in the area that I am looking. With no clue what I was looking for I opened the classifieds. Once I opened the paper there it was in big bold print Church World Service! I couldn’t believe it- I was stunned and excited all the same time! This is it, I told Bob. This is going to be the place where I am going to work! Bob then reminded me that his one friend’s wife works there. Needless to say I submitted my resume online once we got back home. In my spirit I just knew this was it! It was 18 long days before I heard from CWS asking me for an interview. It was a long interview and had to go through a conference type call as well, but God is good and I got offered the job. I took this new position because I felt this was where God wanted me to mold me into the women he created me to be. However because He is such a good God, my benefits are better than what I could have hoped for. We will be saving so much on the insurance alone, already I see so many blessings from this new job.

God has answered my prayers. He gave me the sign to move, even though I didn’t know what that looked like he guided me to this job. I don’t know what this next chapter of my life is going to be like. What new things will God teach me? How many new people will I learn from? What doors will open for me? I don’t know, but I am excited. I know and trust God has my destiny in His hands and It is all for His glory!

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